


Caught in the Act (Robb Wants Revenge)

by kittykatknits



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Fluff, Humor, Jon Is Not Related, Robb Wants Revenge, Robb is Dramatic, Robb is Extra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 20:27:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13325892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittykatknits/pseuds/kittykatknits
Summary: Robb overhears something no big brother should be subjected too. He's got two choices, to either be a mature adult or to get revenge. Naturally, with the help of a loyal henchman, Robb chooses the latter option. Jon Snow betrayed him. Jon Snow would pay.A one-shot featuring Overly Dramatic Older Brother Robb and his Loyal Henchman, Theon.





	Caught in the Act (Robb Wants Revenge)

Robb quietly stepped into the house he shared with his two best friends, Jon and Theon. The front room and kitchen were both dark, as he expected. It was Friday night and they were both gone. He’d bowed out of plans after a long week finishing up a project at work. Now, all Robb wanted was to watch a movie and go to bed early.

He shuffled tiredly down the hallway until he heard a feminine moan come from Jon’s room. Robb gave his best Bro fist pump and started to quietly step away, happy for his friend. Jon did not normally have a way with the ladies, being a giant dork at all.

“Damn, Jon, you really do know how to eat a girl.”

Robb’s pleased smile slipped. That voice was very familiar. Too familiar.

“Come here, Sansa. I’m going to…” The rest of it faded away to a mumble.

His stomach dropped, his heart trembled, and his lungs closed up. Robb felt as if he’d stepped into a Zach Snyder movie, all the color drained away to be replaced by nothing but hopelessness and despair.

“Oh god...oh god….”

“Fuck Sansa...I l-”

Robb couldn’t take it anymore. He started violently retching and ran to the bathroom to escape the nightmare he’d somehow entered into. An hour or so later, he emerged, noticing Jon’s door was still shut tight. He tiptoed the rest of the way to his room where he sat on the bed, trying to decide what to do next.

The mature and adult response was to confront them and ask about their secret relationship. Robb immediately dismissed this idea, however, as ridiculous and a complete waste of time. Jon Snow had betrayed him and Jon Snow would pay.

The next morning, Robb dressed in the most villainous outfit he owned, which turned out to be a Loki t shirt and gray sweatpants, before heading off to the kitchen for breakfast. There, he found his two roommates eating cereal and talking about the latest Star Wars movie. They both turned towards him when he entered the room.

“Man, you look like shit,” said the man Robb once counted a friend.

“Oh, do I? DO I?” Silently, Robb added his appearance to the growing list of things he deserved revenge for.

“Yeah, total crap,” Theon offered helpfully.

Robb sat at the table, deliberately choosing the chair across from Jon. “I slept badly last night. I kept thinking I heard a woman’s voice,” he said innocently before rubbing at his eyes. “She sounded miserable, maybe even a little bored. Did either of you hear anything? Jon?”

His friend blinked, his spoon of cereal halfway to his mouth. “I...went to sleep early,” he mumbled.

He frowned. “Huh….it sounded like it came from your room.”  Robb tapped his nails on the table, waiting for a response.

Theon snorted. “Yeah, right. You must have dreamed it.” Robb silently thanked his friend, the one who did not cruelly betray him, for the additional support, he’d make a worthy henchman.

“I must have,” he said. “If it was real, I sure do feel sorry for the woman though.” Jon’s ears turned red and the coward refused to meet Robb’s eyes. The lying liar had defiled his innocent sister and refused to admit it, Robb’s ire grew. “Anyone up for a movie later today?” he asked innocently.

Jon perked up, his brows raising with interest. Robb wanted to punch his treasonous face. “What movie?”

“I was thinking either The Betrayed or My Sweet Sister or The Fake Friend or maybe even all three.”

“I haven’t heard of any of them,” said Theon.

“They probably aren’t your kind of movie,” he replied. Theon was worthy of being Robb Stark’s friend, unlike the rat-faced fink who sat across from him at the table.

“I haven’t either.” Jon’s ears were red again. “It doesn’t matter though, I’ve got….plans tonight.”

“Oh, yeah?” Robb drew himself up,leaning over the table so he was practically in Jon’s face. “What sort of plans?”

“Dinner,” Jon mumbled.

“Have fun at your dinner. I hope nothing goes wrong, that would be terrible.” Also inevitable, but Robb didn’t say that part.

“Thanks.” Jon shot from the room after that. They could both hear him shutting his bedroom door with a loud slam.

Robb gave a half smile of grim satisfaction. He knew what to do. He would need a goon, someone willing to be his patsy or possibly a red shirt. Ideally, this would be someone competent but Robb would work with what he had. “You wanna help me torture Jon later?”

“Hell yes, that sounds great,” said Theon instantly.

He thought Theon would have at least taken a moment to consider it. “Do you even want to know why?”

His friend shrugged lazily. “Does it matter?”

That was a good point, he admitted.

Later that evening, they drove up to some fancy restaurant. Robb couldn’t pronounce it but he guessed it was French for traitors eat here. So far, Theon was working out well as his henchman. He’d been the one to steal Jon’s phone while he was taking a shower to find out his dinner plans. Plus, Theon agreed to wear the clothes Robb decided on without a word of complaint.

They found Jon and Sansa sitting in a booth together. Sansa looked in love. Robb wanted to puke. He sat down next to Jon, making sure to manspread as much as possible to shove his traitor friend into the corner.  “Well, imagine meeting the two of you here. Theon and I were looking for a place to eat dinner and now here we are. All four of us together, at random. On a random Saturday night.”

“Robb,” his sister said tightly. She didn’t seem overly enthused to see them for some reason. “Why are you here?”

He slammed his hand against his chest in mock pain. “That really hurts my feelings, Sansa. Can’t a big brother spend some time with his sister and his best friends for no other reason that he cares?” Jon’s head rested in his hands while Sansa frowned and her nose wrinkled with distaste. Robb put both his elbows on the table, spreading out so that he accidentally on purpose poked Jon several times.

“Why don’t the two of you join us for dinner?” Jon looked miserable. Sansa glared at him.

Robb grinned. He motioned to Theon to begin, as they’d discussed earlier.

His friend went right into it. “You know, I just realized Jon and Sansa don’t know much about each other.”

“That’s a really great point,” Robb said in an exaggerated tone. “Sansa, did you know that Jon used to pick his nose all the time?”

“I do-”

“He did it for years,” said Theon, speaking over him. “He’s also great for finding out ways to cut down on laundry.”

Robb nodded his head in agreement. “I always did admire the way he’d wear his underwear for a few days then turn them inside out before putting them back on.” Technically, Jon only did this once back in college, but this detail was irrelevant.

“Or the way he’d rub deodorant on his shirts to cover the stink.”

“What the hell? I never did that.” Another irrelevant detail.

“Hmm, Theon, what else can we share about Jon?” He pretended to think.

“Oh, I know. Jon is terrified of carousels.”

Robb waved his hand in agreement. “That’s right. Something about giant plastic horses. They terrify him, make him burst into tears.”

“I was five,” Jon protested.

“Exactly, crying like a five year old,” Robb said, deliberately misunderstanding.

Sansa scowled at him from across the table. “Are you two done?”

“With what? I was enjoying our conversation,” he answered innocently.

“I was as well.”

“I’m going to be sick,” mumbled Jon.

Robb gleefully rubbed his hands together under the table. He wasn’t quite done yet. The server came by and took their orders. He waited a couple minutes afterwards before starting again.

“Sansa, as your big brother, it’s important to me that you know if you ever want to date one of my friends, I’m suggesting Theon.” As rehearsed, his friend leaned into Sansa before wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Robb thought the image went well with his neon pink shirt that had “Eat Me” printed across it in large text. “The rest of my friends are complete and total losers. So, if you want to date one, either in front of me or...perhaps, BEHIND MY BACK, I’d suggest Theon.”

She cringed away from Theon with a mildly disgusted expression. “Now are you two done?”

“With what? Lying and sneaking around behind your back?” Robb pointed a finger at each of them before using his best Chandler Bing impersonation. “Oh, no wait. That’s you.”

Sansa and Jon stared at each other, silently communicating something. Probably rehearsing a speech to beg his forgiveness, Robb guessed.

“Okay, yes. We’re involved,” Jon bit out. He took Sansa’s hand in his own, kissing the palm. “Sansa came over one day while you weren’t around and we started talking. That was a few months ago. We’ve been together ever since.” He gazed at her adoringly. Robb wanted to gag.

“So, are you two like in love now or what?” Theon asked.

“Yes,” they both said together. His sister was blushing prettily.

“Well, now that we have that resolved, you can both get on your knees and beg my forgiveness,” he offered magnanimously.

Sansa rolled her eyes. “We aren’t doing that.”

“Buy Theon and I dinner tonight then.” They’d both ordered some of the most expensive items on the menu on purpose. Robb would be ordering an entire bottle of champagne in a few minutes too.

Theon flashed him a satisfied grin. The rest of the meal passed without incident. Finally, they finished eating and the wait staff came by to sing the Happy Birthday song to Jon. He and Theon stood up to clap and sing along with them, extra loudly to attract as much attention as they could.

“Why does the cake have ‘Happy Birthday You Dick’ written across it? It’s not even my birthday.”

“Really?” Robb asked, a little dumbfounded. “That’s the part that bothers you?”

“Well, the whole thing bothers me.”

“Okay, you’re my older brother and I know you’re doing this because you care about me.”

“That and the betrayal.”

Sansa ignored him. “We were wrong to keep it a secret, I’ll give you that, but Jon is exactly the sort of man you would want for me. He’s kind, sweet, and strong. He puts my wants before his own. He constantly thinks of what he can do to make my day better. I would think you’d be happy for us.”

Theon wiped at his eyes. “That’s beautiful. I’m so happy for you guys.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not done yet.” Robb pulled a card out of his coat pocket and slammed it on the table in front of Jon. “Open it.”

His friend looked at the envelope with some trepidation before gingerly opening it. Jon read the card aloud, “‘I couldn't be happier for two of the people I love most in the world, Robb. P.S. Never betray me again.’It’s two tickets to that play you wanted to see, Sansa.”

“I overheard you talking to mom about it,” he explained “It’s the best I could come up with on short notice.”

“Robb.” Sansa’s eyes glistened.

“You two go. I’ll cover the bill.”

They said their goodbyes with Sansa hugging and calling him the best big brother in the world. Robb didn’t argue, he really was. Then, it was only him and Theon alone at the table.

“So, now what do we do?” he asked. Suddenly, Robb felt lonely in the restaurant, even with people all about.

“Isn’t it obvious? We got cake and champagne. I call dibs on the dick part.” Theon started cutting up a couple slices.

“Hey, we’ll need two more pieces.” Jon and Sansa stood over them. “Scoot down so we can join you.”

Robb did so and his sister sat next to him before kissing his cheek. “Why did you guys come back?”

“Apparently it’s my birthday so we want some of the cake too. Make my slice bigger.”

Sansa squealed. “Robb, you got lemon. It’s lemon cake.”

He really was the best big brother of all time. 

  



End file.
